Friday, 5 November 2010

Words from the wise

My rabbit is a bachelor, David aged 5.

Jesus had a cow and a donkey but I think he would rather have a hamster. Brent aged 6.

It's sad for cows because they are a sweary word. Sam aged 6.

My granny does not wear tights because once she fell over. Liz aged 5.

My next-door neighbour has a stool her feet sit on. Mary aged 5.

When old people go on holiday they sit on deck-chairs and wish that they hadn't come. Amy aged 8.

If you get old too qweekley you never grow up. Winston aged 5.

If a policeman stands in front of your car you'd better stop. David aged 6.

Mrs Thatcher should do something very rude. John aged 7.

My dad swears about Labour but I think that's aloud. Alex aged 8

My sister says she eats men alive but she's only pretending. Mandy aged 6.

My dad has found a better mummy for us than the last one. Michael aged 6.

My uncle is a riligous Maniac but I think he has another job as well. Stephen aged 6.

It's no good taking your dog to a wedding because they can't sing or dance and get bored. Martha aged 6.

My brother did not want to get married. He wanted to go to the football instead. Caroline aged 6.

My sister got her wedding dress off Hilary's mum because Hilary's mum didn't get married after all. Jenny aged 6.

If a traffic warden sees you kissing in a car you get cramped. Alice aged 6.

My dad says you must never hate anyone except traffic wardens. Andrew aged 8.

My best enemy is Mark. David aged 6.

A baby doesent know how to be norty. It has to be tort. Rosalie aged 7.

I want to dance but my feel won't let me. Sandra aged 6.

A man fell in love with my auntie on a train but she pulled the cord and he stopped. Liz aged 6.

My mummy cried on my first day at school so I had to take her home. Penny aged 5.

If you're a nurse you have to be dessicated. Sophie aged 8.

We go to a hotel in France because of the penshun. Toby aged 7.

When people start wars they never know how to stop. Alanda aged 6.

I think war is exciting on television but for real I think it is horrible. John aged 7.

My gran went to the beach but a deck-chair got her. Roddy aged 7.

People over here starve to get thin but in Africa it kills you. Kalima aged 9.

They give you a lovely party when you die. Jamie aged 6.

Our vicar tells people off on Sunday but he's nice the rest of the week. Marsha aged 6.

Why do they waste money on wine when the church roof is broken. Anthony aged 7.


  1. my dad saed vote labor and fings get betterer i vottedd labor wen will it get beterer

    my dads ded noww

  2. Niko: Never.

    Brownlie. Hilarious. I ache from laughing.

    Mum says she aches from laughing too, but she'll be ok by 9.30.

    And don't forget the cork screw...

  3. Mr Mxyzptlk,

    Brilliant, Niko, do you fancy going into partnership to bring a bit of humour to the blog?

  4. tris,

    So glad your mum sent you to bed at 9.30 with your Thomas the Tank book.

    I think kid's way of expressing themselves are wonderful. One of my foster children, writing about drugs wrote - "Anyone who takes drugs will turn into a dick".

    He was looking at my newspaper and said "I see Henrik Larson is dead". When I told him that I would have heard if he was he said "It's in the paper, Henrik's in the grave". When I looked the head-line, thankfully, was "Henrik's in the groove".

  5. LOL.

    I suspect Mr Larsson was equally pleased.

    I love the things they say too, all the more for the complete innocence that accompanies it.

    I can still remember some of the confusing things that went on inside my head when I was a kid. I used to puzzle endlessly over the word "gudseed" as in "We plough the fields and scatter the gudseed on the land".

    And in another song: "I will always be one step behind "the bow" of your shoulder"... It should have been "look over" your shoulder.

  6. PS Thomas the Tank Engline was fine. Hope you enjoyed your evening!