Saturday, 22 May 2010

Smart candidate for Labour Leadership

Billy Smart, the well know circus impresario, has thrown his hat into the ring for the leadership of the Labour Party. Mr Smart, who passed away in 2005, is regarded as the most interesting and credible of the candidates. He believes he has the equipment to sweep away the bull-shit, horse-shit and elephant-shit normally associated with the Party.

He has been nominated and supported by the elephant in the room and his cabinet, along traditional lines, will consists of a few clowns with deep pockets but with a selection of red noses as opposed to red flags.

In order to adhere to equal rights there will be room in the cabinet for two thespians, "Les" Dennis and "Boy" George. The bearded lady will be appointed to the House of Lords to replace the previous devious Lady Mandy. Any resemblance to Harriet Harman is strongly denied.

He was going to employ Jackie Baillie as Health Minister and Iain Gray as Leader of the North British Branch but did not wish to look absolutely ridiculous.

Eeyore has been lined up to take over the Ministry of Offence to ensure a continuation of the Labour practice of "Lions being led by donkeys". Ainsworth will be out on his ass. One of his first decisions will be whether, by popular demand, to rename the RAF as ARF!

Mr Smart is confident that, with a supply of brown envelopes, he will receive planning permission to develop on and enlarge previous frantic Labour attempts to turn Westminster into a three-ring circus.

Lord Foulkes, who did not wish to be named due to being of a shy and retiring nature, pledged his full support on the promise of being appointed as the "big tope" of Westminster. It is considered that this will not interfere with his current role as Minister for Horizontal Highland Flinging.


  1. He has definitely got my vote........(mind i said that to all the candidates after all it is a Labour Party Election)

  2. Boy George a thespian? Mind you he certainly acts like one...

  3. Niko,

    You're so committed that you'd vote for "Red" Riding Hood.

  4. Conan,

    Such a versatile actor that he's known in the "trade" as the Chameleon. Did you know that another name for a chameleon is anole?

  5. He's got the wrong name for a Labour leader... Brown, Grey, Muddy, Dull and Dim are all names that are appropriate for a Labour Prime Minister.

    To have one called Smart would just be...well, not smart. Unless, I don't suppose he'd change his name to Mr Silly, would he? What with him being dead these past five years, he'd probably not mind much.

    Another brilliant one Brownlie .... Must tell your biggest fan, my mum!

  6. tris,

    Tell your mum she's my one and only!

  7. What a hoot. Particularly like your wise words concerning the haberdasher in Chief, his noble grace of Cumnock in the county of Shropshire. Can we have more please?

  8. Munguin,

    Thanks, it makes a change having a distinguished visitor instead of the usual hooligans such as tris, conan and niko. Subrosa used to visit but I think she got fed-up waiting for me to post - I'm a busy chappie you know. Of course there's always the lovely Tris's mum. In case of ambiguity that should read "Tris's lovely mum - I'll get the hang of this English language yet.

  9. Just a second there I thought that someone had described me as lovely... what a warm feeling that was. Then I remembered that English was your second language, and it all became clear... ho hum...

    You're right, I'm not in the least lovely...whereas my mum, well, that's a different story.

    Im wondering where on earth did you got the idea that Munguin was distinguished?

  10. Tris just because you are not lovely don’t try to take my distinguished away.

  11. tris,

    Munguin distinguished - he told me! He used to bring a touch of class to Spook's blog to make up for Niko's inanities (is that a word?)!

    Must say I miss Spook's blog! So, if by chance you're reading this, Spook, come back - your country needs you!

  12. You sure it wasn't 'extinguished' rather than 'distinguished' Brownlie....? All these "guisheds" seem the same to me.

    Inanities is a word I think... hold on I'll check.... yep... here you are:

    "the quality or state of being inane: as a : lack of substance : emptiness b : vapid, pointless, or fatuous character : shallowness ..." OOps... you said it about poor old Niko, not me!

    We all miss Spooks blog John. Isn't it something of a compliment to him though that after more than 6 months there are loads of people who have said... I wish Spookie was back.

    Damn, you have to be some kind of a special guy to get that kind of reaction.... really.

    And I guess he is....